Monday, August 20, 2007

For My Sisters

I don't do the grocery shopping. Or rather, I don't do the bulk of it. The grocery shopping I do is the after-grocery-shopping grocery shopping - stopping on the way home from work to get milk or bread or Ovaltine. I can't be trusted even with this because a cool third of everything I pick up will be the wrong something, the wrong brand, the wrong size, just the wrong thing. If I'm sent for six items then two will be wrong, nine then three are wrong. You get the idea.

Tonight I was sent for three items and, you guessed it, one was wrong. Instead of the usual Kraft Parmesan Cheese which, I suspect, has no cheese in it whatsoever, I picked up actual grated Parmesan. The kids who eat spaghetti in this house eat it with only butter and Parmesan (or, spaghetti cheese as it's called [I know, I know, no red gravy? I'm not really sure these kids are mine.]) So as the pasta with its inferior superior cheese was being refused by little people who don't even contribute to the bottom line around here, I was catching the blame. In my defense I raised my voice with "As long as all these kids are going to eat on spaghetti is butter and cheese is it too much to ask that they eat butter and cheese in a couple of decent rooms and a bath?!" That's right, I channeled George Bailey, which I suppose is better than channeling Jack Torrance.

I do this a lot, actually, channeling this wonderful, indelible movie character. Unfortunately, however, it's not usually the good-natured, optimistic dreamer who longs to help his friends and clients and be the best family man he can. It's usually the George Bailey who trashes his scale model suspension bridge and doesn't understand why they have to have all these kids in the first place. But I'm trying. I hope to be the responsible George Bailey someday, the George Bailey with all the character, and especially the George Bailey who gets all that cash dumped on his table and a peck on the cheek from Violet. Va-voom!

13 comments:

katherine said...

hee haw!

Kristy said...

You don't even know the name of the wrong thing you bought. You got shredded Parmesan, as opposed the the grated Parmesan the kids like. You also bought the fat noodles instead of the thin. And lately S does eat the red gravy. Except she didn't tonight, because it was over fat noodles with weird cheese shreds on it.

Chip said...

Wow, I have this exact same problem. Steph thinks I buy things that aren't exactly right just so I won't have to go grocery shopping anymore. Although that's a good plan, I can't take credit for it-- it's simply that I can't satisfy this woman. In the shopping area, that is.

Stephanie said...

OK, Chip and RJA, the magical green Kraft container is full of CHEESE, not sawdust or whatever else you can come up with to disparage my dear old friend. If it were anything less than cheese, do you really think my offspring and I would be able to eat it with a spoon and call it dinner?

The Saucier said...

George Bailey? Never heard of him.

Stacey Greenberg said...

warren doesn't trust me to do the shopping either. it isn't about branding at our house--it's whether or not i check the price per unit, use my kroger card, and cash in appropriate coupons. there's a also detailed matrix in warren's head that tells him (but not me) where to purchase certain items. the matrix involves kroger, schnucks, aldi, target, and several asian stores dispersed throughout the shelby county area.

Elizabeth Alley said...

Why must you torture the children?!

katherine said...

It sounds like doing the grocery shopping is turning you into a warped, frustrated old man.

Elizabeth Alley said...

...sick in his mind, sick in his heart...

Heather said...

I thought I directed you to the powdered stuff on the spaghetti aisle?? : )

katherine said...

aaaaaand dance by the light of the moon.

Shannon said...

"but i am trying real hard to be the righteous man" --jules

Secret Agent Mom said...

(Camera pulls in to show RJA pulling a handful of whitish flecks from his pocket)

"S's ... S's parmesan!"