Sunday, November 05, 2006

Hot Lava

I feel I need to warn you people of something in case I ever invite you over to my house. I probably won’t, but I would like to keep up the illusion that you are all just that close to me. Be warned, anyway, that the floors of our house are hot lava. The Quartet has proclaimed it so. You’re perfectly safe on the couch or a chair, beds and kitchen countertops, but the floors, most definitely, are hot lava. Sometimes, if your shoes are declared “hot lava boots” then you are safe. But if not, then I wouldn’t dare it.

This, obviously, is all part of the kids’ imagination, there's no way there could be something as useful as lava on our floors to burn up all the dust bunnies, partially eaten Halloween candy and odd, dirty socks that get left behind. No, this is the same imagination that fuels JP’s writing, video gaming and all of their treasure hunting. But this corner of their imagination is a little darker what with the burning flesh and smell of sulfur. I just wish there was some sort of warning. I mean, I’ll be sitting there reading or even up walking around and all of a sudden the alarm is sounded, “The ground is hot lava!” and I’m either stuck on the couch needing to get up and pee or I’m already up, melting now in lava! This is insanity! Today at Peabody Park, C announced that the ground was hot lava and half a dozen kids disappeared. It was sad.

Does this happen in anyone else’s household? Are there hidden dangers? I know about the obvious, the household cleaners as toxins and hair dryers in the bathtubs and the evil little electric holes in all the walls. But I’m talking about floors that erupt or closets that suddenly turn into iron maidens or a carrot that transmogrifies into dynamite with little or no warning. Is The Quartet just weird? Is it too much Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote?

Perhaps they should embrace their creativity the way Alfred Hitchcock or Stephen King embraced theirs. Perhaps it will translate into untold riches with celebrity and independence in their future or, conceivably, incoherent ramblings and scribblings along with a lengthy stay in Bedlam. Either way, be wary and keep your feet up, because it’s getting warm in here and something is bubbling just below the surface, I fear.

5 comments:

Shannon said...

the next cohen brothers (plus sisters)?

our front porch is often an ocean fraught with pirates.

Rich said...

Our bedroom floor is shark infested water. Luckily, the bed doubles as a boat and keeps us from becoming shark food.

Stacey Greenberg said...

hot lava is de riguer at our house. did JP pick this up on Friday?

Sweet Sassy Molassy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sweet Sassy Molassy said...

As if. Our floor has been hot lava since Satchel was just a gleam in his Daddy's eye.